The Taxman Cometh (not a monster film but it should be…)

Your Tax Dollars

Your Tax Dollars

As today is tax for many Americans I thought that I would offer a bit of levity to the proceedings (and a few words of wisdom as well) as we are crying into our check books. Enjoy with good cheer and good humor.

We still find the greedy hand of government thrusting itself into every corner and crevice of industry, and grasping at the spoil of the multitude. Invention is continually exercised to furnish new pretenses for revenue and taxation. It watches prosperity as its prey and permits none to escape without a tribute. – Thomas Paine

Giving money and power to the government is like giving car keys and whisky to teenage boys. – P.J. O’Rourke

It’s income tax time again, Americans: time to gather up those receipts, get out those tax forms, sharpen up that pencil, and stab yourself in the aorta. – Dave Barry

The politicians say we can’t afford a tax cut. Maybe we can’t afford the politicians. – Steve Forbes

If you make any money, the government shoves you in the creek once a year with it in your pockets, and all that don’t get wet you can keep. – Will Rogers

When there’s a single thief, it’s robbery. When there are a thousand thieves, it’s taxation. – Vanya Cohen

Taxation with representation ain’t so hot either. – Gerald Barzan

The taxpayer – that’s someone who works for the federal government but doesn’t have to take the civil service examination. – Ronald Reagan

America is a land of taxation that was founded to avoid taxation. – Laurence J. Peter

I’m proud to pay taxes in the United States; the only thing is, I could be just as proud for half the money. – Arthur Godfrey

The United States has a system of taxation by confession. – Hugo Black

Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut save you thirty cents? – Peg Bracken

The nation should have a tax system that looks like someone designed it on purpose. – William Simon

We must care for each other more, and tax each other less. – Bill Archer

Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors… and miss. – Robert Heinlein

The art of taxation consists in so plucking the goose as to get the most feathers with the least hissing. – Jean Baptist Colbert, attributed

Did you ever notice that when you put the words The and IRS together, it spells THEIRS? – Author Unknown

We have long had death and taxes as the two standards of inevitability. But there are those who believe that death is the preferable of the two. At least, as one man said, there’s one advantage about death; it doesn’t get worse every time Congress meets. – Erwin N. Griswold

Income tax returns are the most imaginative fiction being written today. – Herman Wouk

Capital punishment: The income tax. – Jeff Hayes

Of course the truth is that the congresspersons are too busy raising campaign money to read the laws they pass. The laws are written by staff tax nerds who can put pretty much any wording they want in there. I bet that if you actually read the entire vastness of the U.S. Tax Code, you’d find at least one sex scene (‘Yes, yes, YES!’ moaned Vanessa as Lance, his taut body moist with moisture, again and again depreciated her adjusted gross rate of annualized fiscal debenture). – Dave Barry

To force a man to pay for the violation of his own liberty is indeed an addition of insult to injury. – Benjamin Tucker, Instead of a Book

Philosophy teaches a man that he can’t take it with him; taxes teach him he can’t leave it behind either. – Mignon McLaughlin, The Second Neurotic’s Notebook, 1966

Death and taxes may be inevitable, but they shouldn’t be related. – J.C. Watts, Jr.

America was born in the midst of a great revolution sparked by oppressive taxation. There was something about the American character—open, hard-working, and honest—that rebelled at the very thought of taxes that were not only heavy but unfair. Today the proud American character remains unchanged. But slowly and subtly, surrendering first to this political pressure and then to that, our system of taxation has turned into something completely foreign to our nature—something complicated, unfair, and, in a fundamental sense, un-American. Well, my friends, the time has come for a second American revolution. – Ronald Reagan

The best things in life are free, but sooner or later the government will find a way to tax them. – Author Unknown

The government’s view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it. – Ronald Reagan

I shall never use profanity except in discussing house rent and taxes. – Mark Twain

Our tax code is so long it makes War and Peace seem breezy. – Steven LaTourette

Any tax is a discouragement and therefore a regulation so far as it goes. – Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.

Question: I understand that Congress is considering a so-called ‘flat’ tax system. How would this work? Answer: If Congress were to pass a ‘flat’ tax, you’d simply pay a fixed percentage of your income, and you wouldn’t have to fill out any complicated forms, and there would be no loopholes for politically connected groups, and normal people would actually understand the tax laws, and giant talking broccoli stalks would come around and mow your lawn for free, because Congress is NOT going to pass a flat tax, you pathetic fool. – Dave Barry

The flat tax would be so simple, you could fill it out on a post card. A post card that would say, in effect, having a wonderful time; glad most of my money is here. – Steve Forbes

A fine is a tax for doing something wrong. A tax is a fine for doing something right. – Author Unknown

When politics are used to allocate resources, the resources all end up being allocated to politics. – P.J. O’Rourke

Collecting more taxes than is absolutely necessary is legalized robbery. – Calvin Coolidge

What is the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector? The taxidermist takes only your skin. – Mark Twain, Notebook, 1902

He has combined with others to subject us to a jurisdiction foreign to our constitution and unacknowledged by our laws; giving his Assent to their Acts of pretended Legislation… For imposing Taxes on us without our Consent…. We, therefore… solemnly publish and declare, That these United Colonies are, and of Right ought to be Free and Independent States. – The Declaration of Independence of the Thirteen Colonies, 1776

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