Hands Off of My Pint!

Nations and civilizations were forged by the actions of brave and bold individuals. Sadly these days are not simply fading away they are castigated by a new human mutation that is fueled by a misguided desire to generate grievances and impose their weak will. Now the world is being reshaped by the whiney and entitled class of sniveling little weasels that want us all to be as miserable as they are. Enough!

We have sat back and allowed these assaults on logic to unfold one by one. If you’re not alarmed yet, wait for it. They’re coming for something that you love soon.

Once upon a time McDonald’s fries were something we dreamed about – the smell alone was enough to cause a minor outbreak of euphoria. Even the iconic food writer/critic James Beard was a huge fan of McDonald’s fries. Then the joy killers found out that beef fat was the secret ingredient that made these fries irresistible. Well this didn’t sit well with the nutritional zealots or the vegetarians. Result – we lose one of the great and simple pleasures of life at appease the unappeasable.

In the 1990s there was another food inspired tantrum aimed at movie cinemas. The problem was that the popcorn that we all loved was being popped with coconut oil. The blackholes of fun wanted us all to believe that coconut oil was absolutely killing us all! Children were coming to see films with their families and being slowly poisoned by the evil coconut oil. Once again, most every cinema, and certainly all of the big chains, opted for vegetable oil in order to quite the mob. It’s a hardly surprising that years later everyone is touting coconut oil as a health food!

I could go one for weeks with many more examples of this nonsense but you get the point.

We too often knuckle-under as we are primarily a compassionate bunch and deep down we know these adult-sized toddlers are weak and pathetic so why not throw them a bone?

That kind of thinking led us to giving out participant trophies. Look were that has got us. Trophies are for winners little Johnny – work hard and next time maybe you can be a winner.

Now these pathetic crybabies have petitioned and moaned a change in the recipe of one the world’s greatest treasures – Guinness Stout.

Since 1759 (the year that George and Martha Washington were wed) Guinness Stout has been making people happy. Not just any people but people of taste and vigor have been enjoying a pint or two of the black stuff.

Change is inevitable and most of us are equipped to accept this reality but when change is forced upon us by the participation trophy recipients it’s an aggravation and dare I say an aggression.

Guinness will now be a “vegan friendly” drink as the traditional use of isinglass, a natural product derived from fish bladders, will be discontinued.

Okay vegans, you have gone too far and the line is drawn in the milky foam atop my pint of Guinness. When you voluntarily signed up for this vegan experiment it should have been crystal clear that fun and joy were no longer going to be the driving forces in your world. For many of us, especially those of us who like to raise a glass of the black stuff, we have opted to keep joy as the fuel in our engines. So while we have long given you the wrong message by simply rolling our eyes at your inane campaigns we are now moved to insist that you BACK OFF! Hands off of my pint.

More on Guinness Here.