By JUDITH MARTIN, NICHOLAS IVOR MARTIN AND JACOBINA MARTIN
I committed to bringing a bottle for the dinner party, but I can’t drink alcohol.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: We have been invited to a small dinner party. When replying to the invitation, we volunteered to bring dessert. Our host then asked that we bring wine in addition to dessert.
My husband can’t drink any alcohol, and since I’m driving, I wasn’t going to drink any, either. Is it impolite to bring nonalcoholic wine?
GENTLE READER: When you volunteered to bring dessert, you were presumably trying to help your hosts. And now you want to sabotage them, knowing perfectly well what they meant by “wine.”
Perhaps you didn’t really want to help, but are among those who mistakenly believe that etiquette requires guests to contribute to any meals to which they are invited. (It doesn’t, and many hosts, who have carefully planned the meals they give, are annoyed by guests who insist upon adding to them.)
But neither do guests have to take orders about what to bring. You should have said, “Sorry, but we’ll just bring dessert.” Miss Manners only wishes that you had a better reason, such as a moral objection, for not wanting to bring wine. The fact that you will not be drinking it, and are therefore willing to deprive others, does not suffice.